One day a girl called Lilli was asleep in bed. She was dreaming about a scorpion then she woke up. A pesky penguin was in my bedroom, it bit me and I began to feel the pain. I began to scream but the pesky penguin thought I was a fish because I had fish pyjamas on. Suddenly the pain in my arm felt weird and I started to change into a fish! I got torn into pieces by that little pesky penguin and became his dinner.
By Lilli
Hello Lilli,
ReplyDeleteThis is a wonderfully creative piece of writing. Strange things can happen when we dream. Well done. :)
I can see how much care you have taken withe spelling and punctuation. This is the sign of a good writer.
If I may make one suggestion, at first you tell the story of a girl named Lilli. You use "she". In your third sentence, "she" becomes "I" as the story becomes your dream. When we write, we need to take care with the characters we use.
I hope you continue entering the 100WC. You have a good imagination. :)
Ross Mannell (Team 100WC)
Teacher (retired), N.S.W., Australia