It was a bright sunny day i was swimming at the beach as i got deeper
And deeper into the water it got darker and darker when I was deep in the ocean. Suddenly a noise was faraway it got louder and louder then
Anything when i looked behind me and at first I didn't know what it was
But when I could see properly I saw a giant galactapus. It had one eye, eight arms and it had bubbles for a body. His body colour was black as a plug. For a few minutes it was just floating there but then it chased me so far but luckily I had swam up on the shore. He could not get to me!
By Taylah
Wow! A galactapus?! What a fantastic compound name Tayla and very descriptive too. Repeating words like "deeper and deeper" can help to draw your reader into the location and situation. You also used an interesting simile there - "black as a plug;" never heard that one before.
ReplyDeleteYou might want to revisit your first sentence though and perhaps think about adding some punctuation. Maybe you could add a word between "sunny day" .... "I was swimming"? What might be a good one?
Mr G (Team 100WC)